1
00:00:04,150 --> 00:00:07,900
[Luann] There are two types of people
in this modern world of ours.

2
00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:11,990
The admirable hardworking
movers and shakers,

3
00:00:12,070 --> 00:00:14,070
and the poor.

4
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:15,370
How I pity them.

5
00:00:15,450 --> 00:00:18,280
They don't have that killer instinct.

6
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:22,540
The unmoneyed lack initiative, discipline.

7
00:00:22,620 --> 00:00:24,830
They just aren't shrewd.

8
00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:29,630
The poor are content to file our
toenails and bleach our mustaches

9
00:00:29,710 --> 00:00:32,590
because they are too lazy
to reach for a better life.

10
00:00:34,340 --> 00:00:38,100
Ambition is the sole province of the rich.

11
00:00:38,180 --> 00:00:42,850
Oh, hogwash. Take my son Seymour, the bum.

12
00:00:42,930 --> 00:00:45,400
Majored in nepotism at Ditherton College.

13
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All set to take over
the family prune canning business.

14
00:00:48,940 --> 00:00:50,070
And where is he now?

15
00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:53,950
Living off his trust on
the coast of Italy like some pope.

16
00:00:54,030 --> 00:00:57,030
Ugh, Italians are so European.

17
00:00:57,120 --> 00:01:01,660
[sighs] I'd give a suitcase
full of simoleons to anyone

18
00:01:01,740 --> 00:01:04,750
who could bring that
pampered popinjay back home.

19
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[cashier] Can I box that up for you,
Miss Van Houten?

20
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It's "Mrs." And no. I'll wear it out.

21
00:01:15,220 --> 00:01:17,680
Darling,
bring me one of these in polar bear.

22
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[gasps]
Mrs. Skinner, as I live and breathe.

23
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,390
I'm sorry. Do I know you?

24
00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,020
Marjorie Bouvier.

25
00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:28,350
I'm an old friend of Seymour's.

26
00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:30,270
We met at your charity ball for…

27
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Oh, what was it?

28
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The Policemen's Malevolent Association.

29
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Yes, police violence is
such an important cause.

30
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How is dear Seymour?

31
00:01:40,530 --> 00:01:43,330
Ironing out
the wrinkles at the prune cannery?

32
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[sighs]

33
00:01:45,250 --> 00:01:49,000
I raised my little boy to
be a henpecked business wuss,

34
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:50,670
but look at him now.

35
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[Marge] No socks?

36
00:01:52,750 --> 00:01:54,670
Seymour has changed.

37
00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:58,510
He says he's trying to be an
artist if you can believe it.

38
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I was just summering in Italy.
If I'd known, I would have looked him up.

39
00:02:03,930 --> 00:02:06,730
Marjorie,
this is probably too much to ask,

40
00:02:06,810 --> 00:02:08,730
but what if I sent you

41
00:02:08,810 --> 00:02:13,020
to Italy to find my wayward son
and convince him to come home?

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All expenses paid of course.

43
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Oh, my.

44
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What an unexpected offer.

45
00:02:18,780 --> 00:02:21,870
I'm desperate, dearie. What do you say?

46
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[♪ guitar playing]

47
00:02:40,890 --> 00:02:42,640
Seymour Skinner?

48
00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,470
What are you
doing on a beach in Bella Truffa?

49
00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:49,980
Hmm? I'd ask you the same if I had
the slightest clue who you are.

50
00:02:50,060 --> 00:02:51,400
Marge Bouvier.

51
00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:54,650
We met at Ditherton.
We were in the same econ class.

52
00:02:54,730 --> 00:02:56,150
I never took econ.

53
00:02:56,230 --> 00:02:59,650
Maybe I'm thinking of
statistics with Professor…

54
00:02:59,740 --> 00:03:00,910
Needlemeyer.

55
00:03:00,990 --> 00:03:03,410
Yes, I was a few rows behind you.

56
00:03:03,490 --> 00:03:05,240
I didn't take him. I had Gopnik.

57
00:03:05,330 --> 00:03:07,580
We had Gopnik, of course.

58
00:03:07,660 --> 00:03:08,910
As a private tutor.

59
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,170
Um, me too. I had him right after you.

60
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Oh, of course.

61
00:03:14,790 --> 00:03:17,590
But Ditherton's a men's college.

62
00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:23,970
Yes. Which is why I dressed up
as a man in order to attend.

63
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To prove a point to the sexist dean.

64
00:03:26,470 --> 00:03:28,980
Ah, that explains it.
Nice to meet you again.

65
00:03:29,060 --> 00:03:30,390
Pull up some sand.

66
00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:33,060
Looks like I've made
another American friend.

67
00:03:33,150 --> 00:03:34,230
Another?

68
00:03:34,310 --> 00:03:38,150
Seymour, did you see me do a handstand?
Did you see? D… Who's this?

69
00:03:38,230 --> 00:03:40,490
Marge Bouvier, meet Homer Simpsley.

70
00:03:40,570 --> 00:03:43,070
Another well-to-do
friend I made in Napoli.

71
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:47,790
He's become my travel companion, food
taster and, uh, temporary house guest,

72
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Permanent roommate.

73
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:52,330
Come up to the house and have
some wine with us. You simply must.

74
00:03:52,420 --> 00:03:53,830
Uh, no, she mustn't.

75
00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:55,670
I'd love to.

76
00:03:56,250 --> 00:03:57,670
[♪ bossa nova playing]

77
00:03:59,170 --> 00:04:02,590
Great Gatsby! You live like this?

78
00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:04,800
But you don't even have a job.

79
00:04:04,890 --> 00:04:06,930
I mean, uh, nice place.

80
00:04:07,010 --> 00:04:08,140
Eh, it'll do.

81
00:04:08,220 --> 00:04:11,020
Now, let me take you to my studio.

82
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,350
You're, uh, quite the prodigious painter.

83
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,940
Yes, and Homer's quite the muse.

84
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The prominent curves.

85
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The shadowy folds.

86
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And he can hold
absolutely still for hours.

87
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Oh, my.

88
00:04:25,280 --> 00:04:27,580
How bold of you to paint him in the nude.

89
00:04:27,660 --> 00:04:29,830
Actually, um, he insisted.

90
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[Homer] Painting time!

91
00:04:32,210 --> 00:04:34,370
Ugh. She's still here?

92
00:04:35,210 --> 00:04:36,790
[Marge] Dear Mrs. Skinner.

93
00:04:37,340 --> 00:04:40,090
Good news. I found Seymour.

94
00:04:40,170 --> 00:04:43,800
Now, the hard work of
convincing him to come home can begin.

95
00:04:44,380 --> 00:04:48,640
I start most days on his beloved boat,
which he named in your honor.

96
00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:53,140
Then grab a light lunch at a cafe.

97
00:04:55,140 --> 00:05:00,980
Some days Seymour takes us on a day
trip to see a Caravaggio in all its glory.

98
00:05:02,740 --> 00:05:07,700
Your son's even taken on a young pupil.
Hoping to pass on his talent.

99
00:05:08,740 --> 00:05:12,370
Although Seymour lives quite
the dolce vita here,

100
00:05:12,450 --> 00:05:15,920
I'm sure I can get him back
to America in no time.

101
00:05:16,790 --> 00:05:19,840
-A toast to never going back to America.
-[waves crashing]

102
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:22,210
Time for a refill.

103
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:25,760
Seymour said you came from money.

104
00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:28,850
Remind me what does your family do again?

105
00:05:28,930 --> 00:05:34,810
Uh, my wealthy family owns
a lucrative skull factory.

106
00:05:34,890 --> 00:05:37,730
Can't get ahead without a Simpsley skull.

107
00:05:37,810 --> 00:05:39,190
Hey, that's a pretty good lie.

108
00:05:39,270 --> 00:05:40,400
No, it wasn't.

109
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You're not rich.

110
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You're just a low-class mooch.

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[scoffs]
At least there's honor in mooching.

112
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:48,320
You're nothing but a two-tit con man.

113
00:05:48,410 --> 00:05:51,830
[in Italian] Mr. Homer,
your fat is jiggling!

114
00:05:51,910 --> 00:05:55,000
[in English] As soon as Skinner
sees you for what you are,

115
00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:58,750
he's gonna toss you out like
yesterday's meatballs,

116
00:05:58,830 --> 00:06:00,750
but I'm not going anywhere.

117
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I'm his muse.

118
00:06:03,250 --> 00:06:04,380
Hmm.

119
00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:11,260
[♪ dramatic music plays]

120
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[gasps] Holy cannoli.

121
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Marge, you're an absolute vision.

122
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The light, the hair,
the discernible waistline.

123
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I must commit you to canvas.

124
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[grunts]

125
00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:25,940
Hey. I was musing there.

126
00:06:26,030 --> 00:06:28,450
Um, why don't you go eat, Homer?

127
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There's still some of
yesterday's meatballs.

128
00:06:30,950 --> 00:06:33,200
-[♪ dramatic music continues]
-[Marge] Mm-mmm.

129
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[grunting]

130
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:42,840
[♪ Italian music playing]

131
00:06:49,130 --> 00:06:51,510
The mushrooms were super, Mario.

132
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[in Italian] My name is Wario, idiot! Wah!

133
00:06:55,510 --> 00:06:58,180
[in English] Seymour, darling,
now that we're living together,

134
00:06:58,270 --> 00:07:00,730
I think it's time Homer moved out.

135
00:07:00,810 --> 00:07:05,860
Mmm. He has been acting a bit
queer to use the parlance of our time.

136
00:07:05,940 --> 00:07:10,320
Plus, all those broken Vespas are
really a drain on your trust fund.

137
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,700
-[bike rattles]
-[metal clanks]

138
00:07:12,780 --> 00:07:14,160
It happened again.

139
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:16,950
Here's your laundry, Skinner.

140
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:19,960
What's for lunch?
Oh, and don't say Italian.

141
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,420
We ate.

142
00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:23,250
Go put Seymour's clothes away.

143
00:07:23,330 --> 00:07:26,550
We're gonna go lie on
the beach that stinks of fish.

144
00:07:26,630 --> 00:07:28,710
[grunts] Stupid Marge.

145
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:32,340
Before she showed up,
things around here were a lot more gay

146
00:07:32,430 --> 00:07:34,220
to use the parlance of our time.

147
00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:37,060
Ooh, when did he get this?

148
00:07:38,470 --> 00:07:40,810
[imitating Skinner]
"Uh, do you like it, Homer?

149
00:07:40,890 --> 00:07:42,900
Marge finds it garish."

150
00:07:42,980 --> 00:07:45,310
[normal, scoffs] Her face is garish.

151
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,070
[imitating Skinner, chuckles]
"You're incorrigible.

152
00:07:48,730 --> 00:07:52,820
Hmm. You know, I've been
thinking of ending things with her."

153
00:07:52,910 --> 00:07:55,030
[normal] Really? Why?

154
00:07:55,570 --> 00:07:57,950
[imitating Skinner]
"Well, I have my eye on someone else.

155
00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:00,370
Someone more full figured."

156
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:04,130
[normal] What? [imitating Skinner,
shushes] "Just go with it."

157
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,340
[moaning]

158
00:08:08,630 --> 00:08:13,880
[moaning, grunting] "Oh, yes, Homer."
Oh, Skinner.

159
00:08:13,970 --> 00:08:16,350
What the hell's going on here?

160
00:08:16,430 --> 00:08:18,470
[screams]
Seymour, it's not what you think!

161
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,100
I mean nothing to me!

162
00:08:20,180 --> 00:08:23,440
-Take my clothes off this instant.
-Oh!

163
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:25,860
Then get out of my villa.

164
00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:27,360
Aw!

165
00:08:27,980 --> 00:08:30,190
But-But we're best friends.

166
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:34,410
I only tolerated your zaftig
buffoonery because you were easy to paint.

167
00:08:34,490 --> 00:08:38,740
You're just one circle on top of another.
Any idiot could draw you.

168
00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:41,160
[grunts]

169
00:08:41,250 --> 00:08:42,750
Marge was right.

170
00:08:42,830 --> 00:08:46,920
You're dumb as an ox,
unbelievably fat and charmlessly clingy.

171
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:51,130
You're the most
repulsive person I've ever met.

172
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:56,800
Guess we can add clumsy to the list too.

173
00:08:56,890 --> 00:09:00,510
Whoa. [yelling]

174
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:01,930
[groaning]

175
00:09:04,730 --> 00:09:06,520
[clock chimes, cuckoos]

176
00:09:07,860 --> 00:09:09,360
[gasps]

177
00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:15,780
No, no, no, no, no. Seymour, please.

178
00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:17,200
Dear God.

179
00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:20,240
[gasps] I didn't do this.
He slapsticked himself to death.

180
00:09:20,330 --> 00:09:24,000
[Homer sobs]

181
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:29,090
[sighs] Looks like our meal ticket just
got a big hole punched into it.

182
00:09:29,170 --> 00:09:33,090
Is that all you can think about,
you greedy shrew? You never loved him!

183
00:09:33,170 --> 00:09:36,010
[sobs] I call dibs on his room.

184
00:09:36,090 --> 00:09:38,760
Don't you get it? We're out on our ass.

185
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:43,520
[groans] I guess it's back to filing down
corns and forging checks for me.

186
00:09:44,140 --> 00:09:50,690
Unless I was to fake Seymour's
signature on his monthly trust checks.

187
00:09:50,770 --> 00:09:52,820
But you can't pass for Skinner.

188
00:09:52,900 --> 00:09:55,150
You're a… [gags] …woman.

189
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:57,860
I can't, but you can.

190
00:09:57,950 --> 00:10:00,410
[gasps] I'd be the Seymour?

191
00:10:00,490 --> 00:10:03,330
Then we wouldn't be
mooching off the rich anymore.

192
00:10:03,410 --> 00:10:06,330
-We'd be one of them.
-One of them.

193
00:10:06,410 --> 00:10:10,330
[groans] What's that now?

194
00:10:10,420 --> 00:10:11,670
Hmm.

195
00:10:11,750 --> 00:10:15,590
It'd be a shame to waste a clever plan.

196
00:10:15,670 --> 00:10:17,050
Oh, yeah.

197
00:10:17,130 --> 00:10:20,510
We'd kick ourselves
later if we didn't at least try.

198
00:10:23,310 --> 00:10:27,270
[muffled straining]

199
00:10:29,020 --> 00:10:30,100
[both grunt]

200
00:10:30,190 --> 00:10:33,860
This little scheme of ours only works if
we stick together.

201
00:10:33,940 --> 00:10:35,480
For better or for worse.

202
00:10:35,570 --> 00:10:36,860
What are you proposing?

203
00:10:39,950 --> 00:10:42,410
[gasps] What? Are you proposing?

204
00:10:42,490 --> 00:10:45,200
[laughs]

205
00:10:45,870 --> 00:10:46,910
[both grunt]

206
00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:51,380
[Skinner] Dearest Mother,
forgive my delayed correspondence,

207
00:10:51,460 --> 00:10:53,880
but the most wonderful
thing has happened to me.

208
00:10:54,460 --> 00:10:58,300
I've fallen deeply,
swiftly and profoundly in love.

209
00:10:58,970 --> 00:11:00,680
And I've gotten married.

210
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:04,390
The priest said he never saw
a couple so smitten with each other.

211
00:11:05,010 --> 00:11:08,230
We're packing only the essentials
as we leave on our honeymoon.

212
00:11:08,310 --> 00:11:10,060
I'll let you know where we land.

213
00:11:10,140 --> 00:11:11,480
Love, Seymour.

214
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:14,320
P.S., I am alive.

215
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:17,320
[train whistle blows]

216
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:21,740
Our first stop in Rome will be the bank,
signor Skinner.

217
00:11:21,820 --> 00:11:23,370
But I don't look anything like him.

218
00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:25,080
You do now.

219
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,750
Ooh, baby. [kisses]

220
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:35,340
[imitating Skinner] Uh, I'd like
to take some money out of my trust.

221
00:11:35,420 --> 00:11:38,340
My name is Seymour Skinner.

222
00:11:38,420 --> 00:11:40,720
Account number and passport please.

223
00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:45,550
Hmm. Eh. Close enough.

224
00:11:46,850 --> 00:11:48,560
Sign here, Mr. Skinner.

225
00:11:52,770 --> 00:11:54,730
I love your jacket.

226
00:11:54,810 --> 00:11:56,980
Is the back the same color as the front?

227
00:11:57,070 --> 00:11:59,820
Sì, sì. I will show you. Hmm.

228
00:12:05,070 --> 00:12:06,830
Hmm. I get your money.

229
00:12:06,910 --> 00:12:08,410
[♪ Italian music playing]

230
00:12:28,470 --> 00:12:31,520
More bubbly for my co-conspirator?

231
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:35,060
You know, that suit makes
you look like a movie star.

232
00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:40,150
Like Fatty Arbuckle or that
Italian actor Lardo Disgusto.

233
00:12:40,230 --> 00:12:44,240
Oh, well,
this toupee is kinda itchy though.

234
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:47,450
No, no, no. Leave it on, Seymour.

235
00:12:47,530 --> 00:12:50,330
[laughs] Yeah.

236
00:12:50,410 --> 00:12:51,540
Call me that again.

237
00:12:51,620 --> 00:12:55,620
Didn't it feel good to get
away with something, Seymour?

238
00:12:55,710 --> 00:12:59,340
[kisses] And we did it together, Seymour.

239
00:12:59,420 --> 00:13:01,130
Oh, baby.

240
00:13:01,210 --> 00:13:04,340
[kissing] Oh. Oh, Seymour.

241
00:13:05,470 --> 00:13:06,970
Just like that, Seymour.

242
00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:11,310
Wait, wait. Can I call you Seymour too?

243
00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:14,270
-Um, sure.
-Okay.

244
00:13:14,350 --> 00:13:16,770
-Oh, Seymour. Devour me, Seymour
-Oh, Seymour. Yes.

245
00:13:16,850 --> 00:13:18,770
Oh, you boring, boring man.

246
00:13:18,860 --> 00:13:21,900
-Oh, Seymour, your kisses!
-Oh, speak to me in your monotone voice.

247
00:13:21,980 --> 00:13:23,240
[both moaning]

248
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:25,320
[moaning continues, muffled]

249
00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:30,370
[Homer, muffled] Oh, yes, Seymour.
Oh, I love you, Seymour.

250
00:13:30,450 --> 00:13:32,490
-[Marge] Yes, Seymour! Yes, yes, yes!
-[Homer moaning]

251
00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:35,370
[both] Oh, Seymour!

252
00:13:37,420 --> 00:13:39,960
[sighs] I love these little coffees.

253
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,340
Each one tinier than the last.

254
00:13:44,670 --> 00:13:49,430
[spits loudly]

255
00:13:49,510 --> 00:13:50,510
Look.

256
00:13:52,890 --> 00:13:58,770
"Locals speculate that due to the corpse's
bloated state, bald head and awful smell,

257
00:13:58,850 --> 00:14:04,280
it is likely to be the body of
sexually ambiguous mooch Homer Simpsley."

258
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:06,400
What? I don't look like a corpse.

259
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:10,740
I guess I kinda see it.

260
00:14:10,820 --> 00:14:15,910
If they think you're dead, that means
they also think Skinner's still alive.

261
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,540
We totally got away with it.

262
00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:22,630
[in Italian] That's him, officer.

263
00:14:23,420 --> 00:14:27,220
So, this Homer Simpsley lived
with you for a time.

264
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,930
Is that correct, Mr. Skinner?

265
00:14:30,010 --> 00:14:32,550
Uh, you talking to me? 'Cause my name is--

266
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:36,520
Yes, yes! Homer lived with us.
Lived off of us, I should say.

267
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,270
He was a real… What's the Italian word?

268
00:14:39,350 --> 00:14:41,020
Uh, "moocharello."

269
00:14:41,110 --> 00:14:42,360
Exactly.

270
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:47,900
This Simpsley character was nothing but
a leech, a sponge, a shiftless freeloader.

271
00:14:47,990 --> 00:14:50,360
Too stupid to make it in this world.

272
00:14:50,450 --> 00:14:54,790
If you ask me, Homer was so torn up
about Seymour cutting him off

273
00:14:54,870 --> 00:14:58,370
that he likely jumped off a cliff
into the ocean.

274
00:14:58,460 --> 00:15:02,460
Well, it sounds like an
open-and-a-shut case of fatso "suicidio."

275
00:15:02,540 --> 00:15:05,050
And good riddance, right, Mr. Skinner?

276
00:15:05,130 --> 00:15:06,920
May Homer Simpsley rot in hell.

277
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:10,680
"Dumb, ugly, lazy."

278
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,600
How would you like it
if someone described you so accurately?

279
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,930
I got that goombah gumshoe off our case,
didn't I?

280
00:15:17,020 --> 00:15:20,810
It'll be smooth sailing from here on out.
No more surprises.

281
00:15:20,890 --> 00:15:23,230
-[knock on door]
-[person] Surprise, Seymour.

282
00:15:23,310 --> 00:15:27,070
It's your best buddy Gary Chalmers.
I heard you were in Rome.

283
00:15:27,150 --> 00:15:30,820
Come on. Let's go to the Sistine Chapel
and pick up some broads.

284
00:15:30,900 --> 00:15:32,820
Look, no one's heard from you in weeks.

285
00:15:32,910 --> 00:15:36,160
I'm not leaving until
I see that you are… Oh.

286
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,450
Simpsley?

287
00:15:37,540 --> 00:15:39,290
You meaty "moocharello."

288
00:15:39,370 --> 00:15:41,750
What are you doing in Skinner's apartment?

289
00:15:41,830 --> 00:15:43,080
Where's Seymour?

290
00:15:43,170 --> 00:15:45,380
Uh, he went to the Colosseum.

291
00:15:45,460 --> 00:15:47,000
I think the lions are playing.

292
00:15:47,090 --> 00:15:48,380
[grunts] Shut up.

293
00:15:49,260 --> 00:15:52,260
[Marge] You must be Gary. Seymour's out.

294
00:15:52,340 --> 00:15:56,600
But if you're dead set on seeing him,
join us for a drink.

295
00:15:57,430 --> 00:15:58,600
[Chalmers] Hmm.

296
00:15:59,770 --> 00:16:01,140
[Marge] Uh-huh?

297
00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:04,860
[Chalmers] So, who the devil are you?

298
00:16:04,940 --> 00:16:08,320
-I'm Marge. Seymour's new wife.
-[Chalmers grunts]

299
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:09,400
Cin cin.

300
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:11,110
New wife? [scoffs]

301
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,280
Seymour would never marry
some tenement Tina like yourself.

302
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:17,830
Look at those dishpan
eyes and thick Polish wrists.

303
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:19,490
[laughs] It's true.

304
00:16:19,580 --> 00:16:21,710
And those cankles could hold up a wharf.

305
00:16:21,790 --> 00:16:25,670
[chuckles] I'm disliking you
less and less. Cheers.

306
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,090
So, what's going on here, Simpsley?

307
00:16:30,170 --> 00:16:33,260
When did you go from
primate to fashion plate?

308
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:35,890
Why, you almost look like Seymour.

309
00:16:35,970 --> 00:16:38,180
[chuckles] Uh, no, he doesn't.

310
00:16:38,260 --> 00:16:40,640
It's like you're almost trying to be him.

311
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:45,270
Uh, I like to think that
Seymour's been rubbing off on me.

312
00:16:45,350 --> 00:16:46,730
Mmm.

313
00:16:46,810 --> 00:16:49,940
A toast to friends
rubbing off on each other.

314
00:16:50,030 --> 00:16:51,740
Hear, hear.

315
00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:53,990
[gasps] Skinner's ring.

316
00:16:54,070 --> 00:16:58,200
He'd die before taking that off.
I'm calling the police.

317
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,160
But first, to finish my drink.

318
00:17:03,250 --> 00:17:06,500
Geez Louise. Is killing rich guys
your solution to everything?

319
00:17:06,580 --> 00:17:08,170
We're gonna get caught for sure.

320
00:17:08,250 --> 00:17:10,340
Shut up. I need to think.

321
00:17:14,930 --> 00:17:16,510
We can fix this.

322
00:17:21,270 --> 00:17:22,850
Meow.

323
00:17:29,190 --> 00:17:31,230
[Bart gasps] Mamma mia.

324
00:17:34,030 --> 00:17:36,450
[in Italian] Too much wine for papa, eh?

325
00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:39,200
-[laughs]
-[chuckling] Sì, sì.

326
00:17:40,620 --> 00:17:42,200
[in English] Ay, Columbus.

327
00:17:45,910 --> 00:17:49,290
[choking] Son of a… [groaning]

328
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:54,880
[in Italian] This one was bludgeoned.

329
00:17:54,970 --> 00:17:57,470
This one strangled to death.

330
00:17:57,550 --> 00:18:03,220
Whoever choked him really enjoyed it.

331
00:18:03,310 --> 00:18:06,480
Hey, Chief. I found something.

332
00:18:08,230 --> 00:18:11,690
[in English] Oh, my.
When Mr. Chalmers left last night,

333
00:18:11,770 --> 00:18:15,820
he said he was going to find some
Sicilians and insult their mothers.

334
00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:18,450
[gasps] Could that be a clue?

335
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:20,320
Mmm.

336
00:18:20,410 --> 00:18:23,740
You're a very smart lady, signora Skinner.

337
00:18:23,830 --> 00:18:26,120
Very clever.

338
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:30,960
But, unfortunately,
you are married to a stupid, stupid man.

339
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:34,000
He's gonna confess and take you both down.

340
00:18:34,090 --> 00:18:36,920
It's just a matter of time.

341
00:18:40,050 --> 00:18:41,350
[shouting in Italian]

342
00:18:43,260 --> 00:18:45,560
[Homer shrieks]

343
00:18:47,390 --> 00:18:49,650
[Chief] It's the end of the road for you,

344
00:18:49,730 --> 00:18:54,730
Mrs. Skinner, because you
and your husband are free to go.

345
00:18:54,820 --> 00:18:56,400
Huh? Why?

346
00:18:56,490 --> 00:18:59,780
We arrested this bastardo animalé
trying to sell

347
00:18:59,860 --> 00:19:03,080
Mr. Chalmers's jewelry at a pawn shop.

348
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,540
[in Italian] But I found it in the trash!

349
00:19:06,620 --> 00:19:10,170
Likely story, scumbag!

350
00:19:11,580 --> 00:19:14,920
[in English] What luck.
I almost confessed to everything.

351
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:20,220
The murders, the fraud, trying all those
gelato flavors without ever buying any.

352
00:19:20,300 --> 00:19:23,640
Mmm. You certainly looked like
you were going to give us up.

353
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:25,100
Oh, I was.

354
00:19:25,180 --> 00:19:27,270
But any time I was about to,
I remembered that

355
00:19:27,350 --> 00:19:29,810
you did whatever it took to protect us.

356
00:19:29,890 --> 00:19:33,440
To protect me. I've never had that before.

357
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,980
I think… I think I love you.

358
00:19:37,230 --> 00:19:40,280
No one's ever said that to me before.

359
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:44,620
My whole life, I've been on my own,
and now I realize having

360
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:49,000
someone to scheme and scam
with has been all I ever wanted.

361
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,080
I… I love you too.

362
00:19:52,540 --> 00:19:55,000
Let's celebrate. What do you wanna do?

363
00:19:55,790 --> 00:19:59,800
Why don't we rent a little boat
and go out in the middle of the ocean?

364
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:01,170
[Homer] Mmm.

365
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:05,680
[motor stops]

366
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:09,560
Here's to a long,
loving and luxurious life together.

367
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:10,640
[glasses clink]

368
00:20:11,850 --> 00:20:15,110
Hey, I forgot to ask. What's in that
really heavy bag you made me carry?

369
00:20:16,270 --> 00:20:19,030
Is it a surprise for me?

370
00:20:19,110 --> 00:20:20,990
[grunts, groans]

371
00:20:21,070 --> 00:20:24,870
-[gasping] Marge, why?
-I'm sorry, Homer.

372
00:20:24,950 --> 00:20:28,870
I do love you, but you are
bound to mess our good thing up.

373
00:20:28,950 --> 00:20:31,200
-[grunts]
-'Cause you're a terrible liar,

374
00:20:31,290 --> 00:20:35,750
-and you're dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.
-[grunting]

375
00:20:35,830 --> 00:20:38,210
[cries]

376
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:41,840
Hmm.

377
00:20:42,630 --> 00:20:44,720
[grunts] Huh?

378
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:51,730
Oh, honey. You were smart after all.

379
00:20:51,810 --> 00:20:54,520
[retches, straining]

380
00:20:59,860 --> 00:21:02,740
Dear Mr. Skinner,
I'm writing with sad news.

381
00:21:02,820 --> 00:21:04,650
Your mother has died.

382
00:21:04,740 --> 00:21:07,950
She read your letter about your
hasty marriage and was so incensed

383
00:21:08,030 --> 00:21:11,500
that you found true love that
she choked on her broth and drowned.

384
00:21:11,580 --> 00:21:14,290
She leaves the entirety
of her fortune to you.

385
00:21:14,370 --> 00:21:16,920
The board of directors
will run the family business.

386
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:21,210
Leaving you and your new spouse free
to continue your life of spoiled excess.

387
00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:26,130
On behalf of the firm,
we wish you both a long and happy union.

388
00:21:26,220 --> 00:21:28,890
[♪ Italian music playing]